Saturday, January 28, 2012


It's been about half a year since we've last posted to our blog.  A lot has happened in that time.  The biggest event of all is that in September we started living together.  We are both very happy!  (I am pretty sure I can speak for Master on this, or at least I get a big feeling that he is very happy just as I am.)
We haven't fully integrated the Master-slave relationship into our daily lives but we do have bits and pieces of it throughout our interactions.  Of course we have lots of BDSM activity in our sex life.

As time goes on we may add more elements of lifestyle BDSM into our home life.  We've just had a lot to do in our vanilla lives to fully focus on this.  We've already moved two times in four months.

Above and beyond all, we have a very loving relationship and for us that love is the most important element of all and it will always be our priority before all other things, even before BDSM.  We are first and foremost soulmates and best friends.  I am very happy with that.  I love Master.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

RE: Blessed holy socks

Dear blessed holy socks,

Fear not for my slave's immortal soul.
She has already found the path to her salvation.
That path is the worship of her Master and soul mate.
In this incarnation he gives her all she needs.
He gives her love. Serving and worshiping him gives her purpose which she didn't have before her enslavement.
He gives her security both in this world and in all the incarnations she will have to come, because as soul mates we will always seek out and find one another to resume our rightful places.
For the moment she is happy for the first time in her life. She is fulfilled as a person and truly free from the bondage of her previous existence.
No longer is she shackled with the distorted puritanical values she grew up with. She is free now to indulge her deepest needs as all women were meant to yet few are able to.
No need to look for a metaphysical heaven to aspire to for happiness.
She has it here and now as my slave.
For many years she sought enlightenment and happiness through spirituality but only found it when she traded her freedom for my collar.
Since that time she has known the peace of mind that comes to those who claim to be spiritually enlightened but hers is real doesn't require denying herself the pleasure God intended a woman to have.
So she worships me as a God which in many ways I am to her. The giver of life, joy, happiness , security and above all, endless orgasmic pleasure. And like a God, I mete out punishment for transgressions against my will.
It is said that we are all divine creatures. If that is true then if she worships me as a God who is to say she is wrong?
Only my phenomenal modesty forbids me from ordering her out to spread the Gospel about me.
I am content with a single worshiper.

Master Roger

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Masters and Slaves Are Human, Too

I have discovered a number of BDSM blogs that I enjoy to the point of visiting them regularly, and still it seems every day I discover a new blog.  There are so many that I feel as if there isn't enough time in a day to read all the blogs I want to!  One of the blogs I visit is by ShafersGirl who writes about being happy as a submissive wife.  The blog is named "My Happy Life as a Submissive Wife".  Yesterday she wrote a post that got me thinking.  I responded in a comment on her blog but I would like to share that comment here.  I have noticed that when I find myself getting extra-verbose in comments I feel that I might as well make them an entire blog posting.  I love writing on Master's and my blog and commenting on others' blogs because not only is it fun to communicate, express myself and share my life, ideas and opinions with others but the process of writing usually helps me sort things and figure things out within my own mind, and so it is a method of discovery.

The post I am referring to on ShafersGirl's blog can be found here -

My response to her post is as follows -

"I imagine that most Masters and slaves occasionally act as vanilla people do. It is a different kind of relationship but still a relationship which is prone to the same kinds of spats that most are. Albiet, they may happen less frequently since there isn't the usual struggle for power with roles defined as they are, but they still happen sometimes. After living with someone or being with someone for a long time some of their habits may start to grate on us but the beauty of love is that we can overlook that and love everything else about them. The one funny thing about the early stage of falling in love is that love is blind and so those habits we either ignore or don't notice!

Just yesterday I totally stepped out of my place and threw a huge temper tantrum. I said all kinds of mean and terrible things to Master. Of course, last night I was in that guilt-mode where I was telling Master how ashamed I was at my un-slave-like behavior. I very rarely ask to be punished but yesterday was the one-of-two times in our 13-month relationship that I brought it up. The punishment he gave me was to not give me any punishment and to instead use my guilt as my punishment.

Master has said he would never use the silent-treatment as punishment, but he is human and humans' emotions are so intricate and complex that I'm sure there may be a time in the future that he'll want to brood alone for a while. Sometimes all of us probably like to go and lock ourselves in a room for a while out of feeling hurt.

I think the good thing about the BDSM relationship is that one way to quickly resolve the problem is to let the man release his lustful anger on the behind of a woman who is magically quietened and more than thankful for it. Somehow that has a splendid way of calming everybody and usually ends in good and hot sex!

Now that I think about it, I am not so sure that lovers' spats aren't somehow meant to be part of our biology and psychology as nature's way of getting us to procreate.

Just thinking out loud!"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

In Response to Her toy

I was typing a comment in response to "Her toy" but it turned into something I think I'd like to post here on Master's and my blog.  I am so glad to have found this BDSM community on the blogosphere because not only is it comforting to find others of like-mind, but I am learning from others and also finding comfort that some face the same hurdles that I face.

Anyway, here is the comment I was making, the length of which I felt deserved to be an actual post.

Hello Her toy,

Thank you for leaving a comment.  I am glad to know that other submissives and slaves have similar difficulties (both male and female!).  The saying goes that "misery loves company" and I must agree that it is true.  I am miserable sometimes that I misbehave but it helps to know that others struggle with similar issues.

Sometimes I want to kick myself because some of the orders I have disobeyed or whined about are orders that Master has given me to help me and to benefit me, even his orders for me to enjoy some of my hobbies or favorite sources of entertainment.  I feel that I am ungrateful but I am learning to become more obedient.  I know that all of Master's orders are given with good reason.  He never makes frivolous orders just because he is in a position of authority, but instead issues demands that will either benefit me or us.  (Even the order to suck his cock strengthens our relationship in that when he is pleased I am, too!  And oh how I delight in hearing him voice his pleasure when I am down between his legs.)

I always wished that someone would come into my life to push me to do things I needed to do - like cracking the whip to force me to exercise!  :)  And of course to have someone, some outside force, to push me to accomplish things that I either procrastinated doing or avoided all together.  It is so nice now to have that motivation.  I wish to show more gratitude and to actually obey in a timely and enthusiastic manner the very orders that I've been wanting all along.  I also want to make myself stop trying to find excuses for my behavior, to quit trying to explain things away and to gratefully accept my punishment.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Getting Used to Being a Slave

Master has recently begun taking more control of me where my day-to-day activities are concerned.  I guess he's been doing this more and more as time goes on but not too quickly, maybe because he didn't want this to be a shock to my system.  He has also become more of a disciplinarian than ever before.  It was yesterday and especially today that I started to feel something inside of me struggling a bit.  In the past my errors had usually been simple forgetfulness or distraction and maybe some occasional whining, but yesterday and today he is exerting more influence over what I do during the day and I didn't complete all the things he wanted me to because I procrastinated and I also even did a few things he didn't want me to do, but only because I was having poor impulse-control.  My whole life I've been used to doing what I want and when I want, so I am still holding on to some habits.  I've always wanted to be a slave yet the reality of it has hit me, and I'm learning that I need to put aside my own desires to obey Master.  I want this slavery because I feel so happy, loved and secure.  It's something I've always wanted and finally get to experience, and not just with any random dom but a loving, nurturing, caring and wise master.  For over a year he has been very good to me and sometimes I feel guilt when I know I haven't repaid him with the immediate obedience or enthusiasm that he deserves.

Master once told me that slavery would not always be easy and that sometimes I would even feel angry at him, and I'm starting to see that he is right, but still I would not trade it for anything in the world.  I have noticed I've been punished a lot more recently, yet I know it's what I need to help me learn.  When he hasn't let me have my way lately I can hear this inner child in my head crying, "What a mean evil Master!"  I really have felt guilty about giving Master a hard time lately.  I know I'm making it harder on him than it should be, because masters already have so many responsibilities and I know it's not easy to be a master.  Subconsciously something in me is putting up a fight, and the other day when I was speaking to him and trying to get out of doing something or getting out of punishment I caught myself trying to sweet talk him and trying to use reverse psychology on him.  It's weird that at the time I didn't consciously know I was doing that but then suddenly I stopped and said, "Wow, not even reverse psychology works on you."  We both laughed - I laughed because I realized what I was doing and also the futility of it, and Master laughed because he knew exactly what I was doing.  I know Master knows what is going on with me because he knows so much about psychology.  He understands that adjusting to total and complete slavery is not going to be easy.  He punishes me and forgives me and then gives me another chance.  He really is very patient with me and I know he'll give me as much time as it takes to become the perfect slave.  Today when I've thought about my recent disobedience I imagined that perhaps it was the dying remnants of the free woman in me, clinging tightly to lingering freedom.  I want to get rid of her as much as Master does because this will allow me to completely surrender and enjoy the security of being completely owned.

Before I end this post I want to add that to encourage me to better accomplish my tasks he has given me post-hypnotic suggestions to orgasm when I have fulfilled one of his orders.  Fear of punishment of course is a motivator but I must admit that the gift of orgasm is a nice reward which also motives me.  I love orgasms and I live for them.  From morning until night I am horny and constantly craving release.  Occasionally Master will say a word which makes me orgasm but now I have another way to orgasm on top of that!  So now I have even more encouragement to satisfy his demands.

Thank you, Master, for being patient with me and teaching me and training me to be a good slave.  I really do want to be good so that I can serve you for the rest of your life.  I love seeing you happy and I feel such guilt when I know I've failed at something.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Shame and the well disciplined slave

One of the things I impressed on my slave as part of her training was that true slavery was, paradoxically, a liberating relationship.
By that I meant that as my slave she no longer need feel guilt or shame about anything she did as long as it was under my direction.
Shame and guilt are appropriate only in the case of volitional acts.
Should my slave lie, betray or disobey me on her own initiative guilt and shame would be totally appropriate because she is my slave and is sworn to loyalty, truth and obedience at all times. It is an essential part of our contract.
Total, complete and unfailing obedience is what I expect and therefore she knows she has no right to refuse ANY order I give her, unless it would entail seriously harming herself or others.
Consequently, since she has to obey and will be punished until she does if she balks, she cannot and should not feel any guilt or shame if she violates some societal taboo or social norm as a result of following my orders.
As my slave she is totally free to allow her inner slut full rein and to revel in her carnal and wicked desires and the pleasures of the flesh they bring her.
I take great satisfaction from hearing her confess that only when she became my slave did she begin to feel totally free.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Master's Intuition

I imagine lots of little slave girls like to hide their fantasies out of shame or embarrassment.  Sometimes we hide them from our masters and maybe even from ourselves.  We can't hide them for long because all a master has to do is an arousal-check by sticking his fingers in our slits to find out how wet we are.  Have you ever seen anime porn where a female character is tied-up and whipped?  She'll scream and cry, tears streaming down her cheeks, but her captor humiliates her by saying he knows she likes it because he can see her juices dripping out of her cunt into a little puddle, and her cheeks will blush a cute shade of pink.

I pride myself on being open with Master.  I do not like to hide anything from him, and even when I've disobeyed or forgotten one of his orders I will confess because I do not like the guilt I feel if I think I'm hiding something from him.  Usually I'll confess of my own volition but sometimes I forget to confess and when Master asks if I obeyed him and I haven't, I will always tell him the truth.  He says I'm indolent sometimes, and I agree, but I'm also terribly absentminded and get so distracted by my thoughts or other activities that I will forget even a simple task or ritual.

The Master and slave relationship is always one of giving and receiving to one another.  Slaves can always say that their only aim is to please the master, that they forgo all their needs for him, but the role of the slave is not purely selfless.  We get something out of it, namely the pleasure we receive knowing our master is proud of us and that he is pleased.  We get the sense of security from submitting to his dominance.  I cannot think of any act of giving that is purely selfless.  Even random acts of kindness are not purely selfless because the giver or doer feels pleasure and a sense of well-being at having given.  Master once told me this is called "enlightened self-interest".

In our relationship, Master is always using his intuition to learn about my needs.  Sometimes I will reveal them to him directly and other times he can figure them out when my subconscious reveals them in words I say or things I do.  I have sometimes teased Master about the fact that I believe he has some kind of extra-dimensional feelers that probe into my soul to extract information.  It really truly seems to me that he can read my mind and soul.

Master is really good at figuring people out.  He is extremely intelligent and also has a power of intuition that is eerily otherworldly.  He has spent a lot of time getting to know and figure out my character and psychology.  I couldn't hide anything from him if I wanted to.  I know he really wants to make sure my needs are met to keep me happy and so he is always observing me.  He really wants our relationship to last for a lifetime.  (He says he wants me happy so that I can live to serve him but secretly I think he truly enjoys seeing me happy.)  He puts so much effort into it.  As a slave I live to serve Master, but in a way he is also serving me.  We fine-tune ourselves to meet the needs of the other so that we become a perfect system.  We will always aim to have perfect symbiosis.

Every now and then I would make a comment about bullwhipping and somehow Master figured out that it was a fantasy of mine.  I could feel myself blushing from head-to-toe when he said to me, "My little pain-slut fantasizes about being bullwhipped, doesn't she."  My first reaction was to let out a little giggle.  I was speechless for a few moments while I tried to think of how to respond.  (Master has a way of making me speechless sometimes.)  I was ashamed of this fantasy for some reason.  I'm still new to BDSM and have only started to experience receiving pain but I can't get the bullwhip fantasy out of my head.  Master says to me that we will eventually have to fulfill my fantasy.  He is a wise master, though, because he wants to build my pain-tolerance before I experience this.  He wants to make sure I will be able to handle it.  I can have some pretty kinky fantasies but I know that in reality it's possible I could learn very quickly that making them a reality probably wasn't the best of ideas.  I do not know if I will ever be able to take it, to be honest.  The idea excites and thrills me.  It makes me wet, and yet at the same time I am very afraid of that bullwhip.  The reason I wonder if I'd be able to handle it is because even being whipped with just a belt can really hurt.  For a while we were using a wider belt during punishments but then Master wanted to switch to a narrower one - which he calls "The Persuader" - and I'm not as fond of that one as the previous belt because it has more of a sting.  I seem to learn my lessons much quicker with that one.

I am one of the lucky submissives because the master I ended up with is one that I will always be safe with.  Like some other submissives I could have easily found myself in a precarious situation with another dom.  While I have fantasized about BDSM and slavery since I was a girl I had never been in a BDSM relationship and have had no experience whatsoever with S&M, so I did not know the ins-and-outs to being careful about who I submit to.  I was very naive.  Yes, before meeting Master I had only fantasized about being with cruel unloving masters.  When I was only five years old I would hunch the floor to orgasm, even though at the time I did not know what I was doing.  As I got older I was very frequently masturbating to my fantasies.  (For many years - and still today - I used masturbation to relieve anxiety and nervousness which I developed early on from having an abusive father.  So I am always horny!!)  I had never imagined mixing love with slavery.  For that matter, I had never been in love before.  I was just too picky about men.  When I met Master I fell in love with him.  Shortly after, we signed the Master/slave contract and then he fell in love with me.  This has been what I've needed all along.  Even if I have very masochistic fantasies I know that in Master's hands I will be safe.  I get all my needs met, the most important of which is the lifelong need I've had of unconditional love.

Thank you, Master.

My Sexual Energy Needs Tamed

Sometimes it seems as if my whole life
up to this point has been spent wandering around
and waiting for the one man who could tame me.

I slither as a snake around his leg,
my snake tongue teasing the head of the cock.

Am I daring him to force me into submission?

Conquer me.... fuck me.

My sexual energy has the force
of the Universe backing it.
I radiate lust to a place beyond the galaxy,
a subtle pheromonal scent beckoning
a mothership full of aliens...
aliens that will abduct me,
...probe me...
tentacles reaching deep into my pussy
and into my womb,
raping me and all my holes.

Who can conquer and tame
this far-reaching sexual power?

....Master can.....


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Consciousness and Slavery

One of the biggest influences on my approach to slave training was a book by Dr. David R. Hawkins, entitled “Power vs. Force”. If you haven’t read it I can’t recommend it enough, because it will give you a fresh perspective on literally everything.

However, I intend to limit myself to an examination of what binds a slave to you emotionally far more securely than the heaviest physical chains ever could.

Hawkins maintains that there are two basic types of influence over others.

The first is Force. Force is coercive and relies on physical intimidation to obtain compliance with those using it. The main problem with Force is that it must be sustained to be effective and that it automatically generates resistance over time to it. Thus it must ultimately exhaust itself and collapse, regardless of how formidable it might seem in the short run. It must actively be applied to be effective.

The second is Power. Power is attractive. It doesn’t exert any energy at all to influence others. Rather others are drawn to it like moths to a flame. The attractiveness of Power is continuous and requires no energy to sustain. No resistance is generated against it since there is nothing to push back against. The end result is that Power is inexhaustible and thus endures whereas Force exhausts itself and dissipates.

If you want to truly enslave another you must use Power, not Force.

For instance, I could kidnap a woman, chain her in my basement, whip her and coerce her physically into doing my bidding and call her my slave. In fact she would be a slave, but how stable is that slavery? I would always have to worry about concealing her, preventing her from escaping and even guard against letting her assault me in an unguarded moment. In other words I would have to continue to apply Force to keep her as a slave. Should anything go wrong I would be in a world of trouble and she would be free again.

But I chose to use Power to enslave my woman. I analyzed her character to determine what it was she needed, as opposed to wanted. I’m not talking about material needs, but psychological and physical needs. Then it was simple to provide those needs in a way no other man had done before me. This created an irresistible attraction for her beyond the merely physical.

As a result my slave feels whole only with me. She feels safe only with me. She feels loved only with me. She cannot even envision life without me as her Master. In essence she lives to please me because she knows that is the key to the future she envisions – a life of service to the one man who completes her totally.

Of course I whip her, discipline her and my will is law to her, but this too comforts her and makes her feel secure. I never stop observing her and listening to her in order that I can continue to give her those things without which life would be impossible for her.

The bottom line is that no matter what happens my slave is bound to me. She cannot escape me because she is only happy as my slave. That represents the ultimate slave conditioning to me.

Power vs. Force. Choose Power and your slave is yours for life.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Spare the rod and spoil the slave

One thing I have observed over the course of the last year training my slave is that the biblical admonition of “spare the rod and spoil the child” is very applicable to slave training.

When I took Sophia as a slave I made it clear that while I understood that nobody is perfect and that she would inevitably not always complete her duties to my satisfaction, I had no intention of accepting anything less than perfect obedience from her.

Sophia had never been a slave before. She had fantasized about it since a young girl, though. One of my biggest concerns was that she would find the reality of being a slave far less satisfying and comfortable than her fantasy.

Being a genuine slave, as opposed to playing BDSM games is far more demanding than a typical submissive can handle. One key difference is that being a submissive allows a woman the privilege of saying no without ending the relationship. Perhaps the biggest difference, however, is that being a slave means not only total surrender to the Master’s will but embracing the concept of living to serve the Master’s desires regardless of personal desires on the part of the slave.

Until they become slaves, a typical woman and even a typical submissive believe they are entitled to pleasure from their partner as a matter of fairness and right. They believe they have rights which are independent of their partners wishes. Such is not the case with a slave.

As a result, the transition to true slavery can be difficult for a woman. Old habits of thought die hard even when their hearts are in the right place. For that reason I believe that breaking down those old thought processes as quickly as possible is the best way to train a slave and that means continuous conditioning so that obedience becomes reflexive rather than considered.

One problem for Sophia has been her Gemini personality, which chafes at rules laid down by others. A type of passive aggressive resistance can easily develop as a result, where there is no explicit disobedience but rather a kind of foot dragging obedience. That is clearly unacceptable if she is to be the ideal slave I wish to mold her into.

The most effective tool I’ve found for her behavior modification is a belt I call “The Persuader”. Any and all deviation from my instructions, including not performing with the correct spirit, is punished immediately. This typically takes the form of interrupting whatever we are doing, baring her ass and applying a number of strokes to each cheek. This varies from 1 to 10 per cheek for typical offenses.

This is not major punishment. That is reserved for serious offenses. But what these minor punishments accomplish is to immediately reinforce proper behavior since Sophia is required not only to accept her punishment, but to kiss the persuader in appreciation of her upcoming punishment, take the punishment while counting the strokes, thank me for punishing her and most importantly, recite why she is being punished and promise to obey satisfactorily in the future.

As a result my slave is frequently punished but the punishments are not especially harsh. That frequent punishment keeps my slave constantly aware that her performance is being monitored and that she cannot get away with ANYTHING.

Thus my slave becomes accustomed to obedience without question or delay by numerous small punishments. She also thrives by knowing that I am giving her the attention which she needs as a slave and a woman. This makes her feel loved and secure in our relationship.

So to any Master who hesitates to punish his slave because the offense is minor I maintain that both you and your slave will be happier if you never spare the rod. Then you’ll never spoil your slave.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Who is Master?

I could never submit to a man of lesser intelligence than mine.  Master's mind is not only compatible with mine it is superior to mine.  I was always attracted to intelligent men, and now I have one in the form of a Master.

One of the first questions I asked Master when we met was, "What is your I.Q.?"  I know that's a silly question to ask someone and anyone can lie about their I.Q. to impress someone.  I also know there is more to intelligence than I.Q., but to start off Master did answer my question with a number I found impressive.  (I know he found my question amusing.)  After knowing him a short while I knew he wasn't lying to me about his I.Q.  because it became evident in everything we spoke about.  He stimulates me intellectually in ways no one else ever has.  (He stimulates me in other ways, too.  You know what I'm talking about!)

I am not sure what it is about high intelligence that attracts me.  I would venture to guess that it has something to do with strength, though of course it is not physical in nature.  The natural woman - and of course the submissive woman - needs to submit to a strong man.  She will test him a lot in the beginning to make sure he is the strong man she needs, and she will continue to test him throughout their relationship.

Master is the first man that has been able to conquer me.  He is my intellectual superior and he also makes me answer to him when I do not meet his expectations, but also when I do not meet my own expectations.  Having a strong man makes me feel safe.  I feel secure and protected when I place my life in his hands.  He cares for me better than I care for myself.  For example, when I am feeling sick I am tempted to just lay in the bed and suffer, being too lazy to get up and do something about it.  Master will order me to get up to do something about it, whether it be taking an ibuprofen for pain, gargling with salt water for sore throats, or even making household remedies for kidney stones.  Sometimes I will whine about having to get up but he will not let me fail.  While at the time I may not like being ordered to get out of the bed, I realize it is best for me.

With my life in his hands I am free.  He makes all the decisions and saves me from the anxiety of having to make them, though sometimes I may give him my input and what I call my "slave's advice", which he patiently and appreciatively listens to without feeling that his pride has been wounded.  He always takes my input into consideration.  So in a way Master takes most of the stresses of the world away from me, and he carries them on his strong shoulders.  Even when he punishes me he is taking away my stress at having failed, as it relieves me of guilt and keeps me motivated.  In return I gladly and happily serve him.  In a way the Master and slave relationship has some parental aspects to it, yet though he is very nurturing to me there will be times that I will nurture him, like when I give him the soft and gentle caresses of a woman's touch, or when I cook his meals for him and make his home pleasant and comfortable to live in.  Just as he has comforted and soothed me when something in life has reduced me to tears, I will be there for him over the years to hold him in my arms when something has brought him down.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Why Punishment is necessary

Sir J,

I have long held the belief that if one cannot defend one’s positions rationally and calmly then perhaps one’s premises are on shaky ground and should be rethought. So I don’t take your question as an affront but as a challenge to defend my premises. Even if we ultimately don’t agree there is no reason to be disagreeable and I don’t hold myself up as the final authority on anything, especially an area such as BDSM, where one size definitely doesn’t fit all.
Let me try to answer your questions point by point.

"Sophia is a slave. She gave up her right to disobey when I locked her collar in place." If we accept this as true then there should be no need to punish as there should be no disobeying.

What you overlook is that there are many forms of disobedience as well as failure to perform adequately. My slave is punished if she doesn’t please me by her performance. For example, suppose I order her to wash the car.
She may respond in many ways to this command. Obviously, she could simply refuse, but as my slave she wouldn’t be expected to do that. That was your point. However, she could obey in a variety of ways. She could promptly go out and wash the car inside and out with enthusiasm, polish it without being told to and leave it sparkling, all with a smile on her face and a song in her heart at being able to serve her Master. This is ideal. She could also make excuses about how hot it is outside and attempt to put the task off, sulk about having to do it, and not complete the task because she ran out of time on the day I ordered her to do it. This would obviously merit punishment. Or she could do something in between. My point is that I do not expect her to merely go through the motions of obedience and will not tolerate slipshod compliance with my orders. Punishment is not only for outright disobedience, but also for inadequate performance.

I could praise her for good performance, but without punishment, mediocre performance could easily become her standard and that would annoy me while she would learn that I was not serious about having my orders carried out properly. I find that situation corrosive to both household discipline and her respect for my authority. Sophia knows what I expect and she knows that I will punish her until I get it, therefore the easiest thing for her to do is to obey without question or delay and to do the very best job she is capable of doing. She can then take pride in both her performance and my praise for having served me well.

Now the next point.

Further you said "Thus she is flogged for disobedience, but also as a test of her obedience " and I wonder why is it necessary to test her obedience if you in fact know that you own her. I realize this is a smart ass comment and I am truly asking it to illustrate my point not to piss you off but do you also periodically check your auto registration to make sure your car is yours?

I test her obedience not to remind myself that I own her, but to remind HER that I own her. Testing reminds her she is totally subject to my whim and that her lot as a slave is to obey, even if her orders are painful or distasteful. This is what true submission is all about. Total loss of the ability to say no and stay in the relationship. As part of her ongoing training I remind her of this by word and deed every day. Each act of obedience reinforces the habit of obedience as well as her acceptance of her status as a true slave, not a mere submissive woman.

As for your last point:

Which brings me to the crux of the matter for me which is "Punishment is therefore necessary because only the threat of punishment constantly reminds the slave that they are in fact a slave" and my continuing dilemma with wrapping my head around this thought process. If she signed a contract, and wears a collar and is happily doing so, she agreed to it and is eagerly accepting of it then why the need of the big stick?

Yes, she signed a contract, wears a collar and is happy to do so. Yet she has an indolent streak, which must be addressed, and corporal punishment works wonders in focusing her mind on proper performance of her duties. I am not going to plead with her to obey me. That would be a contradiction in terms. The simple fact is that she responds to punishment, expects punishment for disobedience or poor performance and she realizes that her punishment is motivated by my love for her and desire to improve our relationship, not a sadistic self indulgence by me. It also gives her the opportunity to atone for her mistakes and get a clean slate. This relieves her of guilt for her unsatisfactory performance, should that occur.

Let me ask you this, Sir J; how does your slave feel when she knows she has displeased you or actually disobeyed you in some way? What mechanism have you found to ensure her future obedience? Does your slave feel guilt at displeasing you? How do you deal with that? Do you let her carry that guilt around? Do you find yourself frustrated by her poor performance?

I realize your situation is complicated with children in the house and I don’t know your slave’s attitude toward punishment or her pain tolerance. ( Punishment doesn’t have to mean pain, of course. Orgasm denial is a wonderful punishment.)
How would you differentiate between a submissive wife and a slave? Why do you consider your wife a slave instead of a submissive if she is unwilling to accept punishment or you are unwilling to administer it? Can she say no to you?
I’m not trying to attack you. I’m trying to clear up what is perhaps a semantic problem with definition of terms. I also realize the compromises you have had to make to both raise children and keep a BDSM relationship going. Obviously your slave wife is happy and satisfied with how you are doing it and I commend you for it.

What works for you would never work for Sophia and me, because over and above all I have said, my slave is a pain slut. She enjoys being whipped, cropped, flogged and spanked. It is a huge sexual turn on for her and without it she would be unsatisfied. That’s not to say she can’t enjoy sex without pain, but it certainly enhances the experience for her.
So as her lover as well as her Master, I give her what she likes and needs to achieve maximum sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction and she likes to be punished.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Why I Need This - and Why I Suspect Some Other Women Do, Too

This is the book I am currently reading.  It is Henry and June by Anaïs Nin.  It has nearly brought me to tears on several occasions because of the similarities I've found between me and Anaïs.

She is a very sexually adventurous woman and even though she is married she has several affairs with both men and women.  It seems she only feels secure and less vulnerable when she has love coming from multiple sources.  While I could never be sexually untrue to Master I do understand this need for love.  I do like to make emotional bonds with people.

I identify with Anaïs in the way she was molded into who she was in her adult life.  When she was younger her father would severely and angrily beat her when he punished her.  As a result it appears to me that she is emotionally imbalanced and seeks validation and love.  Her husband is a very loving and patient man but he is not the stronger older man that she secretely desires and needs.  She wants a leader, a father figure and someone who can take control of her.

I have been wired in a similar way.  My father was quite cruel with me when he punished me and I came to fear him greatly.  Even when I was older and knew he couldn't hurt me anymore I was still afraid of him.  Every time I was with him I was nervous.  I know that not every submissive woman was abused as a child but I am almost certain that my abuse made me into the naturally submissive woman I am today.  Also I always looked for older men as my lovers, perhaps because subconsciously I wanted the fatherly love from them that I never got from my own father.  Ever since I was 15 I was on the Internet trying to find the older man who could take possession of me.  I did not like soft men.  I did not like the drooling teenage suitors who pursued me.  I needed a man who could keep me in line, a strong man.  I needed a man who would not give one second's hesitation to punish me when I misbehaved.

Master and I have spoken about the roles of Masters and slaves and we both agree that in relationships like this there is less room for conflict.  Our roles are clearly defined and as such there will not be any struggle for power.  We feel that this will lead to a more stable and long-lasting relatiotionship.  I know that not every woman desires to submit to a man but I have read countless blogs of women who have been in a vanilla relationship for decades only to realize that they became most happy when their husbands took control.  Finally they were no longer allowed to snap at or bad-mouth their husbands without repurcussions.  They felt safer, more secure and better protected when they felt the strength of their husbands, and thus they were much more content with their marriage.

I remember a year ago when I was watching a live camera feed of a female owl in a nest with her hatchlings.  The father flew into the nest with food and started to attack her.  He was beating her with his wings and pecking at her with his beak.  I thought he was trying to kill her but I learned from some experts that this was something like an act of affection.  He was showing her his dominance and thus was displaying to her that he was there to care for her and her children.  I cannot deny, especially after having been given this example, that in many biological creatures there is an inherent need for this act of dominance and submission.  Perhaps modern society has tried to make us feel that such behavior is not normal or immoral, but that need is my own.  I want equality for women all over the world, especially in the workplace, but in our house and in our bed I want to be at Master's feet.

I will never be able to explain to someone else nor to myself why I like some forms of pain and control and why I find it sexually arousing.  That is just how I was programmed and I will never be happy unless this is a part of the relationship I am in.  Master knows what types and levels of pain arouse me and also what intensity of pain to use to punish me without mutilating me.  I like erotic pain, but I also know that even if I don't like punishment-level pain it is used to keep me in the place that I am most happy.  So I will always accept the punishment that Master doles out and I will thank him for it because it not only keeps the structure of our dynamics in place but also enhances our relationship.  When I fear punishment I am likely to be less indolent, for example.  I will also be less likely to throw a temper tantrum.  No matter what, though, Master will only punish with love and self-control and after I have accepted my punishment my slate is wiped clean.  He has forgiven me.  In most cases I have only gotten in trouble where I have failed to follow through on orders that would have benefited me, my emotional well-being or health.  I used to have a bad habit of biting and picking my nails.  He ordered me not to bite or pick and when I did he would punish me.  Every time I bit or picked he would escalate the intensity of the punishment.  I would try to weasel out of punishment by manipulatively attempting to play on his sympathies.  I told him that I was under a great deal of stress and that I was unconsciously taking it out on my nails.  I was hoping he would take pity on me.  He would have none of my excuses and continued to punish me until finally I got the hint.  Now I have beautiful long nails that other women envy.  The incident also reinforced the lesson that Master's will must always be obeyed.  Of course I will also find myself in trouble when I fail to perform my slavely duties, but those are given in order to keep our home a happy home for both me and Master.

A good example of how our relationship works in a positive way is given in the dream I had last night.  In real life Master had been a smoker and I was always frustrated that he could not quit.  For months I kept pressing him to quit.  I BEGGED him to quit to the point that sometimes he was annoyed with me because I became a little pushy and sometimes downright bitchy in that I would insult him.  There were times I stepped out-of-place and I was not very slave-like at all and he would chastise me for it.  About a month ago he finally did quit.  Last night I dreamed that I could hear him inhaling and exhaling puffs of a cigarette while we were on the phone.  I asked him, "Are you smoking?"  He responded that he was, and I yelled, "Fuck you!" and then I hung up on him.  I told Master about my dream this morning.  He knows I have a lot of repressed anger that I sometimes let-out in my dreams.  He did, however, mention that he knows I would never talk to him like that in real life, and I also know I never would lest I receive the worst hide-tanning of my life.

Until I met Master my world was full of chaos.  When he took possession of me there was finally order.  Sometimes I still see chaos - I even create my own chaos - and find it unbearable, but it doesn't take long for Master to bring me to peace again.  I have only found that peace by submitting to a strong man, a man who is also very loving and nurturing.  He protects me from the world.  He also protects me from myself.

I love Master.  He meets all my needs.  I will always work on making sure that his are met, too.  When Master is happy, slave is happy.  To him my heart is fully open, and so are my legs.  ;)

Master Knows How to Take Care of His Property

One of the many things I love about Master is that he listens to everything I say no matter how mundane it is.  One moment we can have in-depth riveting discussions on intellectual topics and then shortly after I might mention what color I'm painting my fingernails.  It seems to me that everything I say to Master interests him.  We've been together over a year and never have I said something only to wonder whether he was paying attention or not.

Master has listened intently to me whether I'm doing show-and-tell or bubbling incoherently with tears from some emotional trauma.  He has been very generous with his time and has given me tremendous emotional support.  He's been a guide to me, and a counselor, too.  He has calmed me and soothed me.  Of course I love the orgasms he gives me but I also like the way I feel when he holds me while I sit on his lap.  He will speak gently to me and stroke my long hair.  He will tell me that everything will be OK.  Not only does he quench my instinctive sexual desires and need to be controlled and dominated but he also takes care of my inner little girl.

The image of the fairy above is a temporary tattoo I put on my arm yesterday.  I am in love with it and I wanted to show it to Master.  (He doesn't like the idea of my getting a real tattoo, due to the possibility of it affecting MRIs should I need them when I'm older.)  I've shown him other various mundane things that I'm excited about and he is always interested and he says he likes that I am so easily amused.  He is right - I am very easily entertained and not at all high-maintanence.  Well, at least I'm not high-maintanence where fashion, riches, jewelry, clothes, purses, hair and shoes are concerned.  I do admit that emotionally I am high-maintanence and that I love all the attention that Master gives me.

I am a slave and I am to obey and serve or I will be punished, but at times I do feel like a Princess and I like it.  Master will not hesitate to be the boss but when we are in public he treats me like a lady.  He is old-fashioned in that he likes for me to hold his arm as we walk.  Sometimes we will also hold hands but I like to hold his arm as it gives me a sense of pride.  He will open doors for me, too.  In the midst of all this chivalry he still requires that I submit to his will, and so he doesn't like for me to walk ahead of him so he requires that I walk at his pace and always to the side he prefers depending on what side of the street we are walking.  I am still learning this because I do have a tendency to be absentminded and I'll realize I've gotten ahead of Master when he calls out to correct me, "Slave...."  When I realize my error I immediately slow down and come back to him.  I really like the way Master carries himself in public.  He walks with confidence and pride.  I also think he is very sexy when he is driving a car.