Thursday, June 16, 2011

Sometimes I Pretend to be a Stranger

I recognized a woman in the pharmacy today. I was hoping she didn't recognize me. I knew her over ten years ago. I feel guilty for not saying hello to her but I was not in the mood to talk. I do not like to think of myself as cold or indifferent. Both she and the cashier called out to me because I walked away without one of the bags. To get my attention as I was walking out the door, the cashier called out, "Ma'am!", and the woman I recognized yelled, "Lady!" I wonder if she knew it was me and pretended not to know because she could sense I wanted to keep to myself.

I wonder how often other people do what I have done today. It's not the first time I have done it. There have been several times in the past where I have eluded acquaintances by darting into another aisle.

I do not dislike these people. It is not about them. It is about me. I am not the social butterfly I used to be, and that is how most of them remember me. These days I sometimes feel drained of my energy when I am forced into conversation with someone and have to pretend as though I am enjoying it. It takes too much energy to act cheerful when I am not feeling cheerful. I like quiet and keeping to myself, although I do really enjoy the company of a very select few people. Please do not think that I am never cheerful, because I often am.

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