Saturday, June 18, 2011

What Was My Subconscious Thinking?!

I was talking to Master on the phone earlier. I revealed to him a dream I had last night that made me feel guilty. In my dream I had had sex with one of my Facebook friends. It's the first time since I've known Master - over a year - that I've dreamed of having sex with someone else. I felt that my subconscious had betrayed him. While I know that dreams are not something I can control, I wondered why there was a part of me that could allow me to have such a dream.

One of the things that I'm extremely happy about in my relationship with Master is that I feel I can tell him anything. The man I had been married to in the past I was with for over 13 years, and I always felt I had things to hide from him. I felt imprisoned in my vanilla marriage; I feel free as a slave. Isn't that odd? I always want to be an open book to Master. It is very liberating for me to feel that I never have to hide anything from him. So I told him about my dream and also that I felt guilty. I told him I felt as if I had been unfaithful to him in my dream. He eased my concerns, just as he always has when I've told him things I've been guilty or ashamed about. I've made mistakes but never have I feared telling him about them. Even if I get punished for my mistakes I know that I will always be forgiven. Master punishes with love, not anger. (The dream, of course, is not a punishable offence!)

3 comments:

  1. I totally get what you mean about feeling free now. As a submissive, I feel more free than I ever did before in vanilla. It's kind of ironic, but true.

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  2. I am not sure I will ever understand the psychology of the happiness I get from being a slave. It goes against everything society says we should be and yet when I follow their rules and live as an equal I am dissatisfied. One thing that is nice is to know I'm not alone and that there are other women out there - like you - who understand this completely.

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  3. I agree with both of you as well. Being a slave has helped me find myself. I am so much more content with my life. I no longer look at other people and wish I had what they have. I am happy and content serving my master. It fills me, feeds my soul and provides me with more happiness then anything in this world ever could.

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