Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Why Punishment is necessary

Sir J,

I have long held the belief that if one cannot defend one’s positions rationally and calmly then perhaps one’s premises are on shaky ground and should be rethought. So I don’t take your question as an affront but as a challenge to defend my premises. Even if we ultimately don’t agree there is no reason to be disagreeable and I don’t hold myself up as the final authority on anything, especially an area such as BDSM, where one size definitely doesn’t fit all.
Let me try to answer your questions point by point.

"Sophia is a slave. She gave up her right to disobey when I locked her collar in place." If we accept this as true then there should be no need to punish as there should be no disobeying.

What you overlook is that there are many forms of disobedience as well as failure to perform adequately. My slave is punished if she doesn’t please me by her performance. For example, suppose I order her to wash the car.
She may respond in many ways to this command. Obviously, she could simply refuse, but as my slave she wouldn’t be expected to do that. That was your point. However, she could obey in a variety of ways. She could promptly go out and wash the car inside and out with enthusiasm, polish it without being told to and leave it sparkling, all with a smile on her face and a song in her heart at being able to serve her Master. This is ideal. She could also make excuses about how hot it is outside and attempt to put the task off, sulk about having to do it, and not complete the task because she ran out of time on the day I ordered her to do it. This would obviously merit punishment. Or she could do something in between. My point is that I do not expect her to merely go through the motions of obedience and will not tolerate slipshod compliance with my orders. Punishment is not only for outright disobedience, but also for inadequate performance.

I could praise her for good performance, but without punishment, mediocre performance could easily become her standard and that would annoy me while she would learn that I was not serious about having my orders carried out properly. I find that situation corrosive to both household discipline and her respect for my authority. Sophia knows what I expect and she knows that I will punish her until I get it, therefore the easiest thing for her to do is to obey without question or delay and to do the very best job she is capable of doing. She can then take pride in both her performance and my praise for having served me well.

Now the next point.

Further you said "Thus she is flogged for disobedience, but also as a test of her obedience " and I wonder why is it necessary to test her obedience if you in fact know that you own her. I realize this is a smart ass comment and I am truly asking it to illustrate my point not to piss you off but do you also periodically check your auto registration to make sure your car is yours?

I test her obedience not to remind myself that I own her, but to remind HER that I own her. Testing reminds her she is totally subject to my whim and that her lot as a slave is to obey, even if her orders are painful or distasteful. This is what true submission is all about. Total loss of the ability to say no and stay in the relationship. As part of her ongoing training I remind her of this by word and deed every day. Each act of obedience reinforces the habit of obedience as well as her acceptance of her status as a true slave, not a mere submissive woman.

As for your last point:

Which brings me to the crux of the matter for me which is "Punishment is therefore necessary because only the threat of punishment constantly reminds the slave that they are in fact a slave" and my continuing dilemma with wrapping my head around this thought process. If she signed a contract, and wears a collar and is happily doing so, she agreed to it and is eagerly accepting of it then why the need of the big stick?

Yes, she signed a contract, wears a collar and is happy to do so. Yet she has an indolent streak, which must be addressed, and corporal punishment works wonders in focusing her mind on proper performance of her duties. I am not going to plead with her to obey me. That would be a contradiction in terms. The simple fact is that she responds to punishment, expects punishment for disobedience or poor performance and she realizes that her punishment is motivated by my love for her and desire to improve our relationship, not a sadistic self indulgence by me. It also gives her the opportunity to atone for her mistakes and get a clean slate. This relieves her of guilt for her unsatisfactory performance, should that occur.

Let me ask you this, Sir J; how does your slave feel when she knows she has displeased you or actually disobeyed you in some way? What mechanism have you found to ensure her future obedience? Does your slave feel guilt at displeasing you? How do you deal with that? Do you let her carry that guilt around? Do you find yourself frustrated by her poor performance?

I realize your situation is complicated with children in the house and I don’t know your slave’s attitude toward punishment or her pain tolerance. ( Punishment doesn’t have to mean pain, of course. Orgasm denial is a wonderful punishment.)
How would you differentiate between a submissive wife and a slave? Why do you consider your wife a slave instead of a submissive if she is unwilling to accept punishment or you are unwilling to administer it? Can she say no to you?
I’m not trying to attack you. I’m trying to clear up what is perhaps a semantic problem with definition of terms. I also realize the compromises you have had to make to both raise children and keep a BDSM relationship going. Obviously your slave wife is happy and satisfied with how you are doing it and I commend you for it.

What works for you would never work for Sophia and me, because over and above all I have said, my slave is a pain slut. She enjoys being whipped, cropped, flogged and spanked. It is a huge sexual turn on for her and without it she would be unsatisfied. That’s not to say she can’t enjoy sex without pain, but it certainly enhances the experience for her.
So as her lover as well as her Master, I give her what she likes and needs to achieve maximum sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction and she likes to be punished.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Not to worry I do not feel attacked in the slightest, you have been more than fair in engaging me in this debate and it is not my desire to hi-jack your blog. One final thought then I will answer your questions as you answered mine. One could argue, and it is perhaps worthy of some thought, that if you respond to every transgression with punishment you are in fact exactly pleading with her to do as you please. Not in the traditional sense I would agree but you are setting up a quid pro quo system where response is met with consistent action. Unless of course she is fact getting better and if that is the case there should come a time when punishment is not required but you have stated that will never happen.

    I think in this last answer you gave me the information I was missing, that being that this system is a point of happiness for you both and that she enjoys the punishment. That of course I do understand and have no issue with at all, not I understand that you are seeking my approval.

    My slave feels very badly indeed when she displeases me, I would go so far as to say it causes her physical discomfort. I am sure she does feel some guilt and has on occasion carried that with her for a bit. I deal with it by forgiving her and I believe forgiveness is an attitude as well as an act and although it can have an act of attrition forgiveness does not require one because it comes from the one wronged not the one who did the wronging. 

    My method of ensuring future obedience is simply expectation, I expect her to, it never occurred to me she would not. To ask me if I feel frustrated by her poor performance is to assume she has poor performance, She does not, so I do not. A difference here in our realities although not a semantic one is that we have been in this relationship for 20 plus years and I gather yours is some what newer.

    I consider her a slave as I own her, contract and collared, as per your definition earlier in our conversation. She is free to say no all the time right up to the point where I decide she will do as asked regardless, so no in the traditional sense you mean she cannot say no.

    Our situation is no more complicated by children in the house then any adult relationship between any couple is complicated by children in the house. There is no special accommodation because we are M/s required. The principal aspect of having a slave is in the ownership of the other person, punishment and punishment with pain are a matter of style not defining aspects of the genre.

    I deleted and re posted after I noticed a typo

  3. Sir J,
    I don’t feel as if you are hijacking this blog. The purpose of it is to give my slave an outlet to express her feelings and to lend moral support to others in the community. A further goal is to demonstrate that that a Master/slave relationship can be both beautiful and enduring and how we accomplish that. Others may achieve the same thing we do by other means but if anyone learns something by reading this blog which enhances their own relationship we will feel wonderful to have been of help.
    You wrote
    “My slave feels very badly indeed when she displeases me, I would go so far as to say it causes her physical discomfort. I am sure she does feel some guilt and has on occasion carried that with her for a bit. I deal with it by forgiving her and I believe forgiveness is an attitude as well as an act and although it can have an act of attrition forgiveness does not require one because it comes from the one wronged not the one who did the wronging”
    I agree forgiveness is an attitude as well as an act. My slave knows that she will be forgiven after her punishment provided I feel her contrition is sincere. Fortunately I have always found it to be so. It is interesting you mention that your slave feels badly when she displeases you and that you deal with it by forgiving her. When my slave knows she has disappointed me she too feels discomfort, yet she knows that she will be able to regain her self-respect as well as soon as she takes her punishment like a good slave should. My slave feels a compulsion to make amends for poor performance and she needs a mechanism to be able to forgive herself, not just to receive my forgiveness. A good spanking fills the bill very nicely.
    That said, I too expect future obedience. In fact I know my slave fully expects to be obedient. I realize, however, that my slave is human and my expectations are high, so she will not always succeed. Punishment gives us the mechanism to deal with that.
    I commend you on your 20 plus years of success in a Master/slave relationship. You have obviously trained your slave well over the years to the point where obedience is second nature. Sophia is not that well trained yet. It is my goal to see that she becomes so. I honestly believe that without punishment it will take far more time and the success of the training far more problematical.
    An example would be when I ordered her to stop biting her nails. I pointed out the problem she created by engaging in that activity and gave my orders. She found it impossible to obey as the habit was so thoroughly ingrained. Yet by repeated administration of punishment I broke her of the habit in only a few days. During that time I both punished and forgave her a number of times until it finally became clear to her that the pain of continuing to pick her nails would exceed the satisfaction she got from it. So she quit the behavior.
    Lastly you wrote:
    “The principal aspect of having a slave is in the ownership of the other person, punishment and punishment with pain are a matter of style not defining aspects of the genre.”
    I have to take issue with you here. You demand and get total obedience from your slave, but I submit that she is so well conditioned that she is still experiencing punishment from you. She lives in fear of disappointing you and “feels physical discomfort” when she does. My slave also feels physical discomfort when she disappoints me. The difference is that your slave does it to herself, while I need to act to get that result. I doubt your slave would be as obedient if she didn’t feel the way she does about disobedience to your will.
    Whether the pain is physical or mental, your Master/slave relationship uses punishment to ensure obedience. Yours is just a more subtle method than mine. (grin)