Thursday, July 7, 2011

Masters and Slaves Are Human, Too

I have discovered a number of BDSM blogs that I enjoy to the point of visiting them regularly, and still it seems every day I discover a new blog.  There are so many that I feel as if there isn't enough time in a day to read all the blogs I want to!  One of the blogs I visit is by ShafersGirl who writes about being happy as a submissive wife.  The blog is named "My Happy Life as a Submissive Wife".  Yesterday she wrote a post that got me thinking.  I responded in a comment on her blog but I would like to share that comment here.  I have noticed that when I find myself getting extra-verbose in comments I feel that I might as well make them an entire blog posting.  I love writing on Master's and my blog and commenting on others' blogs because not only is it fun to communicate, express myself and share my life, ideas and opinions with others but the process of writing usually helps me sort things and figure things out within my own mind, and so it is a method of discovery.

The post I am referring to on ShafersGirl's blog can be found here - http://submissivehappywife.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-to-do.html

My response to her post is as follows -

"I imagine that most Masters and slaves occasionally act as vanilla people do. It is a different kind of relationship but still a relationship which is prone to the same kinds of spats that most are. Albiet, they may happen less frequently since there isn't the usual struggle for power with roles defined as they are, but they still happen sometimes. After living with someone or being with someone for a long time some of their habits may start to grate on us but the beauty of love is that we can overlook that and love everything else about them. The one funny thing about the early stage of falling in love is that love is blind and so those habits we either ignore or don't notice!

Just yesterday I totally stepped out of my place and threw a huge temper tantrum. I said all kinds of mean and terrible things to Master. Of course, last night I was in that guilt-mode where I was telling Master how ashamed I was at my un-slave-like behavior. I very rarely ask to be punished but yesterday was the one-of-two times in our 13-month relationship that I brought it up. The punishment he gave me was to not give me any punishment and to instead use my guilt as my punishment.

Master has said he would never use the silent-treatment as punishment, but he is human and humans' emotions are so intricate and complex that I'm sure there may be a time in the future that he'll want to brood alone for a while. Sometimes all of us probably like to go and lock ourselves in a room for a while out of feeling hurt.

I think the good thing about the BDSM relationship is that one way to quickly resolve the problem is to let the man release his lustful anger on the behind of a woman who is magically quietened and more than thankful for it. Somehow that has a splendid way of calming everybody and usually ends in good and hot sex!

Now that I think about it, I am not so sure that lovers' spats aren't somehow meant to be part of our biology and psychology as nature's way of getting us to procreate.

Just thinking out loud!"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

In Response to Her toy

I was typing a comment in response to "Her toy" but it turned into something I think I'd like to post here on Master's and my blog.  I am so glad to have found this BDSM community on the blogosphere because not only is it comforting to find others of like-mind, but I am learning from others and also finding comfort that some face the same hurdles that I face.

Anyway, here is the comment I was making, the length of which I felt deserved to be an actual post.
---

Hello Her toy,

Thank you for leaving a comment.  I am glad to know that other submissives and slaves have similar difficulties (both male and female!).  The saying goes that "misery loves company" and I must agree that it is true.  I am miserable sometimes that I misbehave but it helps to know that others struggle with similar issues.

Sometimes I want to kick myself because some of the orders I have disobeyed or whined about are orders that Master has given me to help me and to benefit me, even his orders for me to enjoy some of my hobbies or favorite sources of entertainment.  I feel that I am ungrateful but I am learning to become more obedient.  I know that all of Master's orders are given with good reason.  He never makes frivolous orders just because he is in a position of authority, but instead issues demands that will either benefit me or us.  (Even the order to suck his cock strengthens our relationship in that when he is pleased I am, too!  And oh how I delight in hearing him voice his pleasure when I am down between his legs.)

I always wished that someone would come into my life to push me to do things I needed to do - like cracking the whip to force me to exercise!  :)  And of course to have someone, some outside force, to push me to accomplish things that I either procrastinated doing or avoided all together.  It is so nice now to have that motivation.  I wish to show more gratitude and to actually obey in a timely and enthusiastic manner the very orders that I've been wanting all along.  I also want to make myself stop trying to find excuses for my behavior, to quit trying to explain things away and to gratefully accept my punishment.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Getting Used to Being a Slave

Master has recently begun taking more control of me where my day-to-day activities are concerned.  I guess he's been doing this more and more as time goes on but not too quickly, maybe because he didn't want this to be a shock to my system.  He has also become more of a disciplinarian than ever before.  It was yesterday and especially today that I started to feel something inside of me struggling a bit.  In the past my errors had usually been simple forgetfulness or distraction and maybe some occasional whining, but yesterday and today he is exerting more influence over what I do during the day and I didn't complete all the things he wanted me to because I procrastinated and I also even did a few things he didn't want me to do, but only because I was having poor impulse-control.  My whole life I've been used to doing what I want and when I want, so I am still holding on to some habits.  I've always wanted to be a slave yet the reality of it has hit me, and I'm learning that I need to put aside my own desires to obey Master.  I want this slavery because I feel so happy, loved and secure.  It's something I've always wanted and finally get to experience, and not just with any random dom but a loving, nurturing, caring and wise master.  For over a year he has been very good to me and sometimes I feel guilt when I know I haven't repaid him with the immediate obedience or enthusiasm that he deserves.

Master once told me that slavery would not always be easy and that sometimes I would even feel angry at him, and I'm starting to see that he is right, but still I would not trade it for anything in the world.  I have noticed I've been punished a lot more recently, yet I know it's what I need to help me learn.  When he hasn't let me have my way lately I can hear this inner child in my head crying, "What a mean evil Master!"  I really have felt guilty about giving Master a hard time lately.  I know I'm making it harder on him than it should be, because masters already have so many responsibilities and I know it's not easy to be a master.  Subconsciously something in me is putting up a fight, and the other day when I was speaking to him and trying to get out of doing something or getting out of punishment I caught myself trying to sweet talk him and trying to use reverse psychology on him.  It's weird that at the time I didn't consciously know I was doing that but then suddenly I stopped and said, "Wow, not even reverse psychology works on you."  We both laughed - I laughed because I realized what I was doing and also the futility of it, and Master laughed because he knew exactly what I was doing.  I know Master knows what is going on with me because he knows so much about psychology.  He understands that adjusting to total and complete slavery is not going to be easy.  He punishes me and forgives me and then gives me another chance.  He really is very patient with me and I know he'll give me as much time as it takes to become the perfect slave.  Today when I've thought about my recent disobedience I imagined that perhaps it was the dying remnants of the free woman in me, clinging tightly to lingering freedom.  I want to get rid of her as much as Master does because this will allow me to completely surrender and enjoy the security of being completely owned.

Before I end this post I want to add that to encourage me to better accomplish my tasks he has given me post-hypnotic suggestions to orgasm when I have fulfilled one of his orders.  Fear of punishment of course is a motivator but I must admit that the gift of orgasm is a nice reward which also motives me.  I love orgasms and I live for them.  From morning until night I am horny and constantly craving release.  Occasionally Master will say a word which makes me orgasm but now I have another way to orgasm on top of that!  So now I have even more encouragement to satisfy his demands.

Thank you, Master, for being patient with me and teaching me and training me to be a good slave.  I really do want to be good so that I can serve you for the rest of your life.  I love seeing you happy and I feel such guilt when I know I've failed at something.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Shame and the well disciplined slave

One of the things I impressed on my slave as part of her training was that true slavery was, paradoxically, a liberating relationship.
By that I meant that as my slave she no longer need feel guilt or shame about anything she did as long as it was under my direction.
Shame and guilt are appropriate only in the case of volitional acts.
Should my slave lie, betray or disobey me on her own initiative guilt and shame would be totally appropriate because she is my slave and is sworn to loyalty, truth and obedience at all times. It is an essential part of our contract.
Total, complete and unfailing obedience is what I expect and therefore she knows she has no right to refuse ANY order I give her, unless it would entail seriously harming herself or others.
Consequently, since she has to obey and will be punished until she does if she balks, she cannot and should not feel any guilt or shame if she violates some societal taboo or social norm as a result of following my orders.
As my slave she is totally free to allow her inner slut full rein and to revel in her carnal and wicked desires and the pleasures of the flesh they bring her.
I take great satisfaction from hearing her confess that only when she became my slave did she begin to feel totally free.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Master's Intuition

I imagine lots of little slave girls like to hide their fantasies out of shame or embarrassment.  Sometimes we hide them from our masters and maybe even from ourselves.  We can't hide them for long because all a master has to do is an arousal-check by sticking his fingers in our slits to find out how wet we are.  Have you ever seen anime porn where a female character is tied-up and whipped?  She'll scream and cry, tears streaming down her cheeks, but her captor humiliates her by saying he knows she likes it because he can see her juices dripping out of her cunt into a little puddle, and her cheeks will blush a cute shade of pink.

I pride myself on being open with Master.  I do not like to hide anything from him, and even when I've disobeyed or forgotten one of his orders I will confess because I do not like the guilt I feel if I think I'm hiding something from him.  Usually I'll confess of my own volition but sometimes I forget to confess and when Master asks if I obeyed him and I haven't, I will always tell him the truth.  He says I'm indolent sometimes, and I agree, but I'm also terribly absentminded and get so distracted by my thoughts or other activities that I will forget even a simple task or ritual.

The Master and slave relationship is always one of giving and receiving to one another.  Slaves can always say that their only aim is to please the master, that they forgo all their needs for him, but the role of the slave is not purely selfless.  We get something out of it, namely the pleasure we receive knowing our master is proud of us and that he is pleased.  We get the sense of security from submitting to his dominance.  I cannot think of any act of giving that is purely selfless.  Even random acts of kindness are not purely selfless because the giver or doer feels pleasure and a sense of well-being at having given.  Master once told me this is called "enlightened self-interest".

In our relationship, Master is always using his intuition to learn about my needs.  Sometimes I will reveal them to him directly and other times he can figure them out when my subconscious reveals them in words I say or things I do.  I have sometimes teased Master about the fact that I believe he has some kind of extra-dimensional feelers that probe into my soul to extract information.  It really truly seems to me that he can read my mind and soul.

Master is really good at figuring people out.  He is extremely intelligent and also has a power of intuition that is eerily otherworldly.  He has spent a lot of time getting to know and figure out my character and psychology.  I couldn't hide anything from him if I wanted to.  I know he really wants to make sure my needs are met to keep me happy and so he is always observing me.  He really wants our relationship to last for a lifetime.  (He says he wants me happy so that I can live to serve him but secretly I think he truly enjoys seeing me happy.)  He puts so much effort into it.  As a slave I live to serve Master, but in a way he is also serving me.  We fine-tune ourselves to meet the needs of the other so that we become a perfect system.  We will always aim to have perfect symbiosis.

Every now and then I would make a comment about bullwhipping and somehow Master figured out that it was a fantasy of mine.  I could feel myself blushing from head-to-toe when he said to me, "My little pain-slut fantasizes about being bullwhipped, doesn't she."  My first reaction was to let out a little giggle.  I was speechless for a few moments while I tried to think of how to respond.  (Master has a way of making me speechless sometimes.)  I was ashamed of this fantasy for some reason.  I'm still new to BDSM and have only started to experience receiving pain but I can't get the bullwhip fantasy out of my head.  Master says to me that we will eventually have to fulfill my fantasy.  He is a wise master, though, because he wants to build my pain-tolerance before I experience this.  He wants to make sure I will be able to handle it.  I can have some pretty kinky fantasies but I know that in reality it's possible I could learn very quickly that making them a reality probably wasn't the best of ideas.  I do not know if I will ever be able to take it, to be honest.  The idea excites and thrills me.  It makes me wet, and yet at the same time I am very afraid of that bullwhip.  The reason I wonder if I'd be able to handle it is because even being whipped with just a belt can really hurt.  For a while we were using a wider belt during punishments but then Master wanted to switch to a narrower one - which he calls "The Persuader" - and I'm not as fond of that one as the previous belt because it has more of a sting.  I seem to learn my lessons much quicker with that one.


I am one of the lucky submissives because the master I ended up with is one that I will always be safe with.  Like some other submissives I could have easily found myself in a precarious situation with another dom.  While I have fantasized about BDSM and slavery since I was a girl I had never been in a BDSM relationship and have had no experience whatsoever with S&M, so I did not know the ins-and-outs to being careful about who I submit to.  I was very naive.  Yes, before meeting Master I had only fantasized about being with cruel unloving masters.  When I was only five years old I would hunch the floor to orgasm, even though at the time I did not know what I was doing.  As I got older I was very frequently masturbating to my fantasies.  (For many years - and still today - I used masturbation to relieve anxiety and nervousness which I developed early on from having an abusive father.  So I am always horny!!)  I had never imagined mixing love with slavery.  For that matter, I had never been in love before.  I was just too picky about men.  When I met Master I fell in love with him.  Shortly after, we signed the Master/slave contract and then he fell in love with me.  This has been what I've needed all along.  Even if I have very masochistic fantasies I know that in Master's hands I will be safe.  I get all my needs met, the most important of which is the lifelong need I've had of unconditional love.

Thank you, Master.

My Sexual Energy Needs Tamed

Sometimes it seems as if my whole life
up to this point has been spent wandering around
and waiting for the one man who could tame me.

I slither as a snake around his leg,
my snake tongue teasing the head of the cock.

Am I daring him to force me into submission?

Conquer me.... fuck me.

My sexual energy has the force
of the Universe backing it.
I radiate lust to a place beyond the galaxy,
a subtle pheromonal scent beckoning
a mothership full of aliens...
aliens that will abduct me,
...probe me...
tentacles reaching deep into my pussy
and into my womb,
raping me and all my holes.

Who can conquer and tame
this far-reaching sexual power?

....Master can.....

....Master....